The Closure

I did something last Sunday that totally broke my broken heart to little more pieces.And also gave me the closure I really need. I knew I was not okay when I left Cebu and I was still confused.

When I left he said he will always love me and wait for me until I've found myself, or even if there's no assurance that I will come back. God knows I still love him, he is my home, with him I always feel secure and comfortable. He was my only family in Cebu for 4 years, he's the only one I had. But I was torn between exploring my possibilities and stay there with him. For I never believe in long distance relationship,especially when you have different goals.. so there could never be a halfway to meet.I wasn't ready to give up my passion for life and adventure. I would love him to come and experience new things with me but he's not like me, he's a simple man and no one can bend his beliefs, not even me... the woman whom he said he loved.

And then I felt tired and lonely which is somehow caused by always figuring out why? "bakit ndi nya ako sinundan dito?" just like what my other officemates did for their love. I just can't figureout why this man, who would cry every time he sends me off to the airport when I go for just a 2-week vacation in Davao, could not change his mind when I was leaving for a lifelong journey.

And so I called him last Sunday and begged for another chance. I even bargained to resign here and go back there in Cebu just for him to take me back. I said I'd go there for a weekend and be with him. But he said no. He said he doesn't love me anymore and that if we ever get back together mas worst pa yung mangyayari sa amin and ayaw na nya dumaan sa ganun ulit. My pride left me that night, the girl who used to be in the pedestal was on her knees conceding defeat.

It broke my heart, the same way that I broke his when he begged for me before and turned him down. But I turned him down then not because I didn't love him but I just felt it's unfair to get back together when I'm still unmended with certain things.

But then in a way I feel better because it was a closure for me. And I know he will soon appreciate what I did that once in my life I've become humble for him.

Wala na akong labskie na babalikan, so I have to learn to move on and let go. I am just so thankful for my friends who came to my rescue and reminded me that everything was meant to be and everything will be alright.

This closure may come a little too late.. it's been a year already but then there's just many things that happened, I don't know maybe this is just the perfect time to close the most important part of my life. Saving the best for last, sabi nga nila. =)

The Road I've Taken

It's been 5 months since I transferred here in Manila, but it seems I have been here for years! Living here is not a joke, it could really test your patience, endurance and even your tolerance for surprises because in this place, you never know what's around the bend.

I was quite contented with my easy life in Cebu with my friends and great officemates but thenI figured I have to grow up and I am still young to get stuck in one place. I got time on my hands andthis world has so much to offer. I don't want to run out of years and see myself one day, grey and old, sitting on a porch thinking what could have been or what I could have seen on the other side of the fence.

Indeed I felt I have grown up, with a fast paced life you have no choice but to keep up. I get to think about how to invest my money, save up for rainy days and a good retirement. Commuting to the office and back home is not an easy ordeal here, unlike in Cebu where my apartment is just a stone away from the office. So it is just but right to plan my earnings and let it not go to waste since I earned it the hard way. That's one reason why I also learned to work hard and play hard here. Nope I don't go out on bars and get wasted to unwind, instead, my friends and I go for long weekends in different places. Together we explore and go back to our work with recharged body and minds.

There have been a lot of twist and turns of events in my life before I came here. The decision wasn't at all a breeze. I didn't just pack my bags and go. I sacrificed my easy life and my heart just to explore this unknown side, this reality that used to just exist in my imagination. I paid a hefty price for this and until now I am still paying for it. I still cry, I still feel lonely and I still have doubts... I am still struggling in the middle of this battle. Sometimes I feel like giving up and to back to where I started or just simply release all hopes and dreams.

What hurts me most is the thought that my labskie, the man who used to be my strength and protector has already given up on me and my craziness. He even refuses to walk with me in this journey or to even talk to me when I am down and tired of fighting even if that's the only thing I could ask from him. So I have no choice but to face this battle alone.

It is really sad and I often think why things have to be so hard for me. But this is the path that I have taken and I will walk on this, I'm really not sure how many more steps I could take. But one thing is definite... that I will not be that old woman on the porch, who was too scared to experience what is beyond the horizon. I may emerge worn-out and defeated but I have no regrets.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Last weekend I went to Puerto Galera with my NSP barkada to celebrate my 26th birthday in advance. It was super, super fun even though only Shing and me did not have a partner. Actually we explored the place as a group, walang couples na nagkanya-kanya... there were even times when we girls would separate with the boys and we go check out the cute dudes at the beach (who by the way turned out to be gays).

In that short time, we were able to experience a lot of things Galera had to offer. We went swimming, sun bathing, snorkeling (I saw a yellow Sea Horse!), fish feeding, Banana boat ride, crawled in the tunnel, get drunk and even let Galera's famous manghuhula to read my right palm(lovelife). That part was the most exciting! He was right about my past but I still have to find out if he was right about my future. hehehe

Another memorable thing we did was watch the sunset. I have never seen a sunset at the beach where you can actually see the sun fades into the horizon. It was so romantic, parang gusto kong agawin yung cute na boypren ng nasa tabi ko. Hay ndi naman sya maganda, mas sexy pa ako! life is so unfair talaga! hehehe

At the time we arrived we got so disappointed with the beach coz mas maganda pa yung public beach sa Cebu, I just pity the Manilenos that they have to travel that far to see a mediocre beach. But then with such exper iences you can get in that small island... you'd see why people are willing to take that long travel. Iba talaga sa Galera. =)

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I had a happy weekend so I couldn't stop smiling until my birthday yesterday. Although medyo things are not so good with my life right now... I was still able to have reasons to be happy.

Yesterday wasn't as romantic as my last birthday where I celebrated my birthday in Cloud Nine. But it was a meaningful one. Even before the clock struck at 12 midnight, I was already receiving birthday greetings from my friends who were already sleepy and could not longer hold their eyes to wait for May 17. Ang galing that the first person to greet me after midnight was the first person to greet me last year. He was actually just 3 minutes earlier than Lizette. =)

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I went to mass after work and head to Super Bowl for my dinner treat to my family. It was raining cats and dogs which made it hard for my cousins to reach Glorietta.. that's why we were there waiting for them from 7 pm to 9:30. I don't know but it's always raining on my birthday, but then I just thought of it as blessings that will be poured upon me this year.

My friends and cousins were super hungry that night that's why were so noisy at the restaurant. Oh well kahit ndi gutom maingay pa rin naman kami. hehehe At nakakainis pa kasi nasisimula ko nang ma-experience yung kalbaryo ng isang single woman pag tumuntong na ng 26 and above. Kinukulit na ako ng mga tita, pinsan at pamangkin ko na mag asawa. Eh wala pa nga akong boypren asawa pa! Imagine kung 40 years old pa ako mag aasawa I will be suffering this for 14 years! Hay!

Pero di bale ndi ako magpapadala sa kanila, I know better and I'm still enjoying my time as a single person. Syempre there are times na nalulungkot ako if I get hit of a sudden burst of loneliness and when I startasking myself again why things didn't work out. But I really have to be careful this time, my heart cannot afford another pain anymore. "I felt like exposing myself to another possible hurt would just kill me."

I promise myself that that person who came into my life summer of last year will be the last person to hurt me.

So I don't care if my relatives won't stop bugging me about getting a boyfriend or getting married.

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Oh well.. with all the things that had happened, I thought I was going to be sad on my birthday but being surrounded with special people who truly make up my life, made me forget about one person that I just lost.
Life is full of blessings.. and i'm hopeful that this year will bring me better things. Anyway I just learned that positive thinking can keep you stay young. =)

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check out my Puerto Galera Pictures at http://ariadbeetle.multiply.com/photos/album/12

South Park 2

Hello guys! Here's more of my SouthPark friends I made today in between verifying PR for Tradescope and running the Appia test scripts. =)

This is how coffee addict Claire looks like when she finds out that her husband spent his money on an entertainment system or if she suddenly remembers that she's not wearing a bra (and she's already at the MRT station) hehehe

Don't be bothered when the ever poised Georgia looks like this when you meet her at the mall or anywhere. She's not a snob, she just can't see you.

(FYI: she's 6-eyed, she needs contact lenses and glasses in order for her to recognize you)

The "Don't-You-Ever-Mess-Up-With-Me" Maila. She may love color pink but she's no girlie when she's fixed on beating you in any sports. haha!

This is Mr. Suave Otep. He may look innocent and sweet... but mind you girls he can be a heartbreaker! hehehe

This is me. Made by Otep. hmmm I don't eat ice cream noh! hehehe

South Park

Hi! It's been a long time since I last posted an entry... hehehe... i've been really busy with work (kuno!) so I didn't have time to write my thoughts on.

Ben Chan sent me this site http://www.planearium2.de/flash/spstudio.html which lets you create your own South Park character. It's so cute, he sent me his own character and also made one for me which I now use as my yahoo messenger image. Try it! it's so fun. =D

So to make my blog lighter I am posting here the South Park characters of my friends which I made almost every morning before I start my work. hehehe

They say "Tell me who your friends are and i'll tell you who you are", I won't tell you about them but I'm showing you my friends' South Park character instead.

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This is me!

This is Ben Chan with his sunshine-y smile

(he made this himself)

The no nonesense Nats

The life-loving and certified jetsetter Lizette

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More to come!