The Closure

I did something last Sunday that totally broke my broken heart to little more pieces.And also gave me the closure I really need. I knew I was not okay when I left Cebu and I was still confused.

When I left he said he will always love me and wait for me until I've found myself, or even if there's no assurance that I will come back. God knows I still love him, he is my home, with him I always feel secure and comfortable. He was my only family in Cebu for 4 years, he's the only one I had. But I was torn between exploring my possibilities and stay there with him. For I never believe in long distance relationship,especially when you have different goals.. so there could never be a halfway to meet.I wasn't ready to give up my passion for life and adventure. I would love him to come and experience new things with me but he's not like me, he's a simple man and no one can bend his beliefs, not even me... the woman whom he said he loved.

And then I felt tired and lonely which is somehow caused by always figuring out why? "bakit ndi nya ako sinundan dito?" just like what my other officemates did for their love. I just can't figureout why this man, who would cry every time he sends me off to the airport when I go for just a 2-week vacation in Davao, could not change his mind when I was leaving for a lifelong journey.

And so I called him last Sunday and begged for another chance. I even bargained to resign here and go back there in Cebu just for him to take me back. I said I'd go there for a weekend and be with him. But he said no. He said he doesn't love me anymore and that if we ever get back together mas worst pa yung mangyayari sa amin and ayaw na nya dumaan sa ganun ulit. My pride left me that night, the girl who used to be in the pedestal was on her knees conceding defeat.

It broke my heart, the same way that I broke his when he begged for me before and turned him down. But I turned him down then not because I didn't love him but I just felt it's unfair to get back together when I'm still unmended with certain things.

But then in a way I feel better because it was a closure for me. And I know he will soon appreciate what I did that once in my life I've become humble for him.

Wala na akong labskie na babalikan, so I have to learn to move on and let go. I am just so thankful for my friends who came to my rescue and reminded me that everything was meant to be and everything will be alright.

This closure may come a little too late.. it's been a year already but then there's just many things that happened, I don't know maybe this is just the perfect time to close the most important part of my life. Saving the best for last, sabi nga nila. =)