Doormat and Carpet

Natawag na ba kayong doormat? or naramdaman na ba ninyo yung gawing doormat? Ndi naman yung literal na trapo na nilalagay sa labas ng pintuan ng bahay at ginagamit na pampunas ng maruruming sapatos ng mga pumapasok.

What I mean is, yung ginagawa kang trapo, yung minamahal ka ngayon tapos bukas mawawala siya, and then isang araw kakatok sya sa pintuan mo hihingi ng tawad at tatanggapin mo, pagkatapos ng ilang araw aalis nanaman sya para bumalik nanaman ulit.

Tanggap mo na kasi yung buong pagkatao ng mahal mo, yung bisyo nya, itsura nya, ugali nya and everything that comes with the whole package -- pati yung panloloko nya sa iyo. You know that something fishy is going on when he hides from you while talking to someone on the phone, or pag may nababasa kang "babes", "honey" sa text messages nya na ndi naman galing sa iyo, or pag ndi sya sumisipot sa usapan ninyo kasi may "emergency" daw, at marami pang iba... pero okay lang yun sa yo. You choose to be blind basta sa iyo sya umuuwi at okay lang kasi mahal mo sya, lulunukin mo yung pride mo everytime na nagsisinungaling sya basta wag ka lang nya iwan.

Kung aalis man sya, sigurado ka na babalik rin sya kasi sigurado rin sya na tatanggapin mo sya. You're the one he wants to grow old with but then he still wants to have fun. Kaya pag pagod na sya sa kanyang "journey", pag malungkot na sya at walang-wala na, sa iyo sya babalik kasi ikaw ang comfort zone nya. That's why you always find him at the doorstep on bended knees and you're always willing to accept him and his cold dirty shoes.

So naging doormat na ba kayo? Ako ndi pa. Kasi carpet ako.

Ako yung pinupuntahan nila if they want to have a taste of luxury. Mabait ako, maganda, matalino,at sexy (pagbigyan nyo na ako), kagaya lang din ako ng mga doormat girlfriends nila pero ang pagkakaiba lang eh, bago ako sa paningin nila. May pagka easy rin ako, kaya pwedeng-pwede nila pag praktisan ng mga pambobola nila (pero ndi ko pinapahalata na hulog na hulog na ako). Ang catch lang is mataas ang standard ko (not necessarily physical ha), ma-pride ako, I demand constant attention and I am complicated coz I think too much. Na chchallenge sila sa akin, kasi weird ako, ngayon sweet, tapos bukas galit... pero sinasadya ko talaga yun, tinetest ko lang persistence nila. Kasi I know na I have a lot to offer at iba ako mag mahal kaya sinisigurado ko na he deserves me. Iba na yung pinaghirapan di ba?

But then doormats always end up in homes and the carpets remain in the store unsold.

Masyado kasing intricate at mahal ang carpet, mahirap pang i-maintain kc pag binili mo dapat may vacuum ka or kelangan may special shampoo ka na pang carpet. So you often wonder if it's really worth buying with all the effort you have to put up with it. Minsan masyado syang maganda and fragile na sa tingin mo ndi bagay sa bahay mo. So kuntento ka na lang na panoorin syang naka display, hinahawakan, feel the texture at mag daydream na kasama mo sya sa isang magarang bahay. Akala naman ng carpet bibilhin mo na sya, akala nya she has finally found someone to keep her, 30% off na nga sya eh. But all the while you know you'd still go back to that doormat you have at home. And you think, marami pang magkakagusto sa magandang carpet na yun so it doesn't matter kung iwanan mo man sya.

Syempre hindi pinapahalata ng carpet na nasasaktan sya. Ndi nya ipapahalata na hanggang ngayon ikaw pa rin ang gusto nyang makasama at makausap. You will never know that sometimes, she dreams of being the one on your doorstep bearing your bended knees.

Wedding and Photographs

Can you still remember the hit movie "My Bestfriend's Wedding" and its eternally popular line by Julia Roberts, "Choose me! Marry me! Let me make you happy!"? Oh how I love this movie and this line as well. Do you also remember how it broke your heart when movie ended with Micheal choosing Kimy over Julianne just after he danced with Julianne under the sun while he sang "The Way You Look Tonight"?

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Last night Nats and I were looking through pictures of our couple friends and our old "friends" and their current apple of their eyes, if you know what i mean. We just can't help but notice how our guy friends end up with girls who are physically, not quite what you expect them to end up with. I mean there's a sea of gorgeous ladies out there who would look better with them. Okay, okay i admit -- like me. =p

Well who can argue with that feeling called love! when it strikes, it conquers all reasons.

But is it really love?

When a man is torn between two girls who are both in love with him, both are nice, interesting and compatible with his personality, what really is his basis of whom to stick out with (that is of course if there's an inescapable pressure to choose only one). Will he choose the one with the biggest boobs? I doubt it! of couse he's not that shallow. I have show stopper girl friends who have gotten themselves in this beauty pageant-like situation and most of them end up eating the dust of the plain ones who have won the crown or rather, the man.

So I assume that men has this unwritten criteria of picking out between his two ladies-in-waiting.

10% beauty and body

10% love

5% talent and ability

75% willingness, comfort and convenience

So there, it's really not about her beauty or her disarming smile or her drool-worthy body. Unless she assures him that she will always be there no matter what, where and how, 24/7... never expect that she'd be the one on the photograph with him and wearing that "and we live happily ever after" grin.

Love is just magnified to a proportion big enough to mask the real reason simply because "i love her" is more romantic than saying "she's less complicated". Oh who would ever be willing to sweat these days just for mere companionship?

I know coz for some time I've heard "Comfortable na kc ako sa iyo" and some complaints in between more than "I love you for all that you are". I have also seen some who disappeared before my very eyes the moment I transform into a puzzle to be solved.

But then this is just my two cents worth.

Love remains life's sweetest mystery and I will never find out the real reason why Micheal chose Creme Brulee over Jell-O or why she's the one on the photo and not me.

Love

"Never waste an opportunity to say I Love You to someone you really love coz it's not everyday that you meet a person who has the power to let you fall inlove again..."

I got this text message from an unwanted friend, he bugs me almost everyday and everynight with his stupid text messages. Sometimes he'd call me and say sorry for he didn't mean to send those messages to me.. yeah right! so he's really stupid coz he's been mis-texting me for almost two months now.

Okay it's not that I hate people texting me it's just that i REALLY, REALLY hate that person BIG TIME! he's my image of a devil. So you can just imagine how much I despise him.

But anyway, today this particular message made me sad. See?! how bad he is!

Maybe because it's true... when you found a person who opened your heart, you should never ever hold yourself in telling them how you feel. It's already sad enough to hold back and even worst when you realize he's not there anymore and it's just too late.

Yes, someone came into my life and made me realize how it really feels to be inlove. He painted a smile on my lips, he was the reason for the glow on my face and he made me very happy.

I still don't know now if he was true then or if he just toyed with my feelings. It doesn't matter anymore now. I believe that at that time we were two lonely souls who needed each other and things happened as it should.

I just wish that I didn't hold back. I could have at least thank him for no one has ever made my heart that happy. Until now I'm not sure if it was love, but I have never felt that much for a person even if nothing made sense. Love truly knocks only once so you should let it in and let it fill you.

We may not have a good ending but he will always be special to me.

"Life they say is touch and go. Some people you know may only be there for a time. Some may go away but people who find you special will always find ways to stay."

Woman

I stayed up late last night coz I watched Oprah, i think last night's episode was one of the best they had. They showed the lifestyles of 30 years old women in different countries in the world. I learned that in Kuwait women cannot vote, but they can shop expensive things. That's because they don't have to worry about taxes, medical insurance and college education, all of these and more are provided by the Kuwaiti government for free. So they have their money all to spend for that Louis Vitton bag, Jimmy Choo shoes and that wedding gown in Paris. Isn't that neat? Now it left me thinking... which is more important your right to be heard or the privilege to spend my money in luxury? hmmm...

And then there's London where the most vacationed women in the world live. That's because the government grants employees a 5-week paid vacation per year. Cool huh? But what ain't cool is that according to their statistics every 1 guy in London is chased by at least 4 women. That's why more women spend their free time walking their dogs instead of being out on a date.

In Mexico, women don't need to execise and diet because men there like curves. Compared to busy American women who dresses for comfort in jeans, lose shirts and flat shoes, Mexican women mostly wear skimpy dresses and high heels.

But Mexican women don't come close to the vanity of the Brazilians. Where having a good buns is more important than anything else because they spent most of their lives in thong bikinis. That is why we have what we call Brazilian wax and Brazil is declared as the plastic surgery mecca in the world.

On the other hand an average 30 year old woman in Cuba had at least two divorces because it's so easy to get divorce there and for a mere $3 you don't have to find a reason to cling on a marriage that doesn't work.

But what struck me most among all the women shown is the poor situations of women in Iraq and Rwanda. I have so much respect for the strength and courageousness by the Iraqi women who live in fear most of their lives in their war stricken country. As told by the Iraqi journalist in her thirties, her main goal everyday is to stay alive. I realized that waking up everyday is one blessing that I often take for granted. I just found out last night how gravely women in Baghdad are deprived of their basic human rights. When a member of their family died they are not even allowed to cry or to mourn. To numb themselves of their losses and their maddening state or statelessness, they turn to Valium which costs only 20 cents there and could even be bought without prescription. Actually the ongoing war is not the only thing they are battling there, drug addiction is prevalent but goes unnoticed.

I was also sad to hear what happened to Rwanda. Believe it or not, reaching 30 is already a miracle because of the massacre that happened there about 10 years ago. A holocaust had actually happened in that country where the Tutsis were slaughtered by the Hutus. Sadly, it was not given much media attention, well maybe because it happened in a poor country. Please check this site and open your eyes: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/rwanda/reports/refuse.html this girl is like the Anne Frank of the Rwandan Holocaust. Hearing the story of Oprah's guest and the girl in the website is so heartbreaking that there is no word available to describe enough that horrifying event.

Mixed emotions took on me that night, I felt envy to those women who live in luxury and I also felt sad for others and I feel blessed that I am not in that situation. I am already thankful that the most cruel thing a person has done to me was break my heart (figuratively). At least I could cry freely and express my loneliness without being threatened to die.

But I also couldn't help thinking what I would be when I reach 30 for I am only 5 years away from that. Will I already be settled by then? if I am, will it be with my dream man and 3 cute kids? or will I be in that small bachelorette condo I was eyeing at Ayala last week? or could I become of those 4 women chasing an average man in London for sheer desperation?

At this point I don't have a faintest idea on what I would be in the next 5 years. What I am pretty sure is when I turn 30, I want to be a woman who is more aware of her surroundings. In touch with things that really matters in life. I want to be stronger and more courageous but still teeming with femininity in every way.

To be contented will be asking too much from myself but wherever I will be by then, I wish I am happy. I want to be hopeful in every sunrise and smiling in every sunset, at peace with whatever happened in my past. So I will be more graceful in trekking the road I've chosen.

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.

I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,

believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

—Louisa May Alcott

Simple Plan

I watched Avril Lavigne's concert last night at The Fort Openfield. The show was started by Simple Plan, yung kumanta ng "I'm sorry I can't be perfect". I don't really like alternative music, but I learned that Simple Plan songs are good, I like the lyrics coz I can relate to it, bagay sa mga bitter. Ang galing pa nilang performer and the lead singer is super cute. I jumped, I danced, I screamed all throughout their performance.. I was an instant fan that night.

I like their song Addicted.

I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I'm tryin' to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it
And I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why
I'm still waitin'
Can't make you mine

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Oh and about Avril.. well she's a total bore. I don't like punk music in the first place, plus she just sings, she doesn't talk to her audience. Good thing I went there for free, my cousin had two P3,000 seat tickets and she couldn't go with ther daughter so I was forced to go instead. After 3 songs of Avril, my niece and I decided to leave.

When we were in the parking lot, a guy suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He introduced himself and we had a little chitchat. I found out that he's from Cagayan and he works here in Manila and he's also 25 years old. He seems nice... actually I saw him seated near the exit when we were leaving and I find him cute. =p Kaya nagulat ako when bigla syang sumulpot.

I know I won't be setting a good example to my 12 year old niece, but he seems harmless so I gave him my number. hehehe... I don't usually do this but maybe because my friends keep telling me to loosen up a little, flirt a little, be open a little... ndi naman daw lahat ng lalaking makikilala ko eh pakakasalan ko na.

Well let's see where it will take me.. sana nga lang ganun na lang kadali ang life, titingnan mo lang ang isang tao eh susundan ka na.

I guess my friends are right, I need to be a little more open to other things in life so I won't remain stucked and addicted to this one person. So one day he won't mean anything to me anymore.

You don't mean anything to me
You're what I never want to be

Tell me does it feel good to be like you
Tell me why should I waste my time with you