Emotional Halo-Halo

Today i feel i just came out from a roller coaster ride. I feel dizzy, nauseated and tired due to a mix of emotions yesterday. First, the CEO of a company I applied for in Manila expressed his disappointment in a so unprofessional manner when I turned down his job offer. He even accused me of taking advantage of the free plane ticket to have a vacation in Manila. I thought that's part of their risk? well, he shouldn't have called it a 'JOB OFFER' instead it should've been called 'JOB IMPOSED' if he couldn't take no for an answer. I just felt glad that God protected me from that evil man. I started to add to my prayers now that God will continue protecting me from bad persons. For this world is just so full of crappy people whose lone mission in life is to offend others.

Then secondly, my project manager told me he was not pleased that I took a 2-day leave on a Release week. He is such a good hearted manager that disappointing him was really shameful for me. I just took in everything he told me and I didn't even try to answer back for I felt I deserve it.

Thirdly, there's something bothering me and I don't know how to explain it. For I don't even know what is happening and I can't say anything more.

Lastly, my ex has came back from his training in Japan. We are again trapped in this four corners of the office trying to avoid each other. Not that there's really a problem, but it just feel awkward being near each other. Maybe after that four years of being inseparable, it's just so difficult to move on separately now like we never knew each other. I cannot deny that there's still a pinch of love left and when I started to open my doors to other men or man, I have appreciated even more the faithfulness and loyalty he showed me during our relationship. I just realized that it is so hard to find someone who can be truthful to you despite your imperfections. But it's sad that life can never be that easy. Faithfulness and loyalty are just not enough to make two people happy.

Last night I ran to the guard house and hurriedly called for a taxi because I saw that my ex was also going out of the office. When I got inside the taxi, I cried. I cried all the pent up emotions I had that night. I just felt so emotionally exhausted. Last weekend I was so happy, I thought everything will be fine and perfect. And now it feels like it's all just a dream. I suddenly felt a need to find home where I can rest my tired heart. I am so jaded. I want to hide in one corner and feel nothing.

I hope you are reading this...if you are just planning to string me along please just spare me. Just disappear like you did before. I may appear strong or naughty or shallow but I can love and I can feel pain. And I don't want to play your game.