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I just received a message from my mother asking how I am handling my situation right now. She asked if I am honestly burnt out and unhappy and if I want her to come here to Cebu. I nearly cried when I read her message, she enumerated the things that could be bothering me now and it's so amazing how a mother could actually know it all (I'm sure she hasn't been reading my blog). I wanted to call her and cry and ask for her impeccable insights but I don't want to make her sad. I don't want her to be worried about me. So I told her I am perfectly okay and our project is taking up a lot of my time already. But honestly, I really want to go home to Davao where I will be surrounded with the people I love.

I want to take a leave from work. I miss my mama's homecooked meal. I miss my dogs. I miss talking to my brothers about the latest news. I miss hanging out with my high school friends. I miss reminiscing our college days with my gay friends.

In times like this, what I really miss most about home is riding the bike around our subdivision and go wherever the pedals would take me. I usually end up to our beach resort which is just three minutes away from our house. Where after having chit-chats with our keepers over a bottle of coke, I take a walk along the seashore and write names on the sand, feeling the sand between my toes and enjoying the seebreeze that refreshingly glides my face.

But if I am really sad and feel like crying, I usually visit the church in our village because it is normally empty on weekeday afternoons. I have the whole church for myself and there I pour my heart out in prayers. I stay there for an hour or so, lighting a candle and praying the rosary and just having a good conversation with Him. I don't know if it's the crying or the prayers but I always feel better when I head back home.

Maybe the best part of this routine is going back home to my family. When I realize that whatever frustrations or disappointments He gives me are just so little compared to the other blessings He generously pours. Seeing my family happy and healthy is all that matters anyways.

I may feel sad, exhausted and frustrated now.. but i am hanging on to my faith. Things happen for a reason.

And this too shall pass. =)