Effect ng Anesthesia

This afternoon, I just undergone a medical procedure, surgery, treatment or watchamacallit. I wont tell what, where or how but it's obviously just a minor thing since I am here in the office able to devour my pending jobs na parang walang nangyari.

I didn't feel the pain in the actual procedure but the 9 anesthesia injections did hurt big time! I asked the doctor if the procedure is really painful if she won't inject the anesthesia and which she answered, "Oh yeah, definitely!". I saw the cotton balls were drenched with blood so I guess she wasn't lying. Thank God na imbento ang anesthesia!

One thing I've learned from this experience is pain makes you stronger. If not for the painful anesthesia injections I had to bear, I would have had to experience an excruciating procedure. It makes you stronger because it makes a part of your body numb.

Ang tanong ko lang, kelan kaya mawawala ang epekto ng anesthesia sa akin?

Yesterday I came across this saying from someone's blog: "Pain transforms you to be a better person " bakit parang ang nangyari ata sa akin is,"Pain transforms you to be a bitter person". I don't even know how to describe what I have transformed into, maybe bitter is an understatement, numb is temporary and stoic is the closest word to define it. But I prefer bitter kasi it's like may remedyo pa, konting sugar, honey or creamer okay na. I wish!

I used to be an incurable romantic, friends come to me for creative and romantic ideas for their boyfriends, girlfriends or mga nililigawan. For I can always come up with sweet ideas that can melt the heart (sabi nila ha!). But I started to realize that I have changed when my roommate came to me asking for ideas on what to give her boyfriend for his birthday. Bigla ba naman wala akong maisip! Para akong na-mental block and all I could say to her was,"Ewan ko, kahit ano. bigyan mo na lang ng face towel atsaka sabon!" she thought I was joking but actually I mean it. She shared that she wanted to give him flowers and so I accompanied her to the flower shop. When the florist asked what colors we wanted for the bouquet, my roommate just stared at me blankly and asked if I have any idea. So I just said "Yung red, white, blue and yellow na lang!", she thought it had some meaning or something, "bakit anong meaning nun?" but I just answered, "wala, parang Philippine flag lang, wala akong maisip e.". My gas! ano bang nangyayari sa akin?! I know my roommate was a bit disappointed with my attitude that day but I can't help it, I have stopped believing in magic, spark, sugar and spice and everything nice. I just feel it's useless to put so much thought on doing something sweet or romantic for men because in the end they will just forget it or even you. See, bitter di ba?

My goodfriend Nats even said, "si Ria ang taas ng walls nyan, alang makakalampas sa barricade, nde pa sya completely over kaya guarded pa rin, tinatago lang nya sa world by giving advises to other people and forgetting about it by being busy with other excuses like work etc etc.." when I read her message, it felt like I just bumped into the high wall that I was unconsciously building to protect myself. Masyado na ba akong indifferent?

There are guys texting me these days, I am kind to them by replying to their messages but it's like something is keeping me from putting myself back in the open again. When they start asking me, "are you home na?" or sending me messages like,"Text kita mamya ha may aasikasuhin lang akong pasyente.." I get this sudden urge to reply with "So? anong pakialam mo?" or "Ano naman pakialam ko kung anong ginagawa mo ngayon?" but of course I opted not to kasi ndi naman ako ganun kasama, ndi na lang ako nagrereply. Especially when they start to become mushy and sends me messages like, "Among the roses and tulips you're the beauty... blah, blah",I just smirk and stop the conversation right there before the roses become torns and the perennial tulips wilt. Ako pa binobola nila e bago lang ako nabola, nagsasayang lang sila ng load.

I feel that a part of me has died. Well I hope not, I love that romantic side of me, yung corny, yung madaling kiligin sa mga sweet nothings. Sana it's just taking a grand vacation in Europe (aba sosyal!). And when it comes back, it will bring more sweetness and romance like it has never been hurt before.

It's been five hours now since the procedure and I can move the treated part already but I'm starting to feel the pain, siguro nawawala na yung effect ng anesthesia.

Sana nga.

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I just decided to be a bit casual in my blog. I realize it's

easier to express myself like this than being too serious.

I'm inspired by my favorite peyups contributor in

This Side Up. =)