Chiztiks In The City part I

Conversation started with an email about an article from Altarboy, the guy who left a girl hanging because he simply found someone else. And the girl started sending her death treats and guilt trip messages in bad english and this guy can't seem to understand the girl's reaction.

Nats : now you know why men disappear hehe

Lizette : Because of women expecting too much????

Nats : or assuming too much

Ria :
Galing nila no??? Manliligaw tapos pag pinahintay mo, hahanap ng iba...
kung magagalit ka, magtataka sila bakit ka nagalit. wow grabe!

Nats :
yup, ganyan talaga ang rules

1. assume nothing
2. expect nothing

so pag hinayaan mo sya ng kung ano ano gawin sayo that only means na ok lang sayo gawin ang mga bagay na yun without commitment etc etc, otherwise dapat wag mo sila hayaan.

Ria :
OO NGA NAMAN PALA!! hahahaha tama ka nats... grabe.. e ano pa ang nirereklamo ng mga babae?
so parang yung nangyari kay *toot* no? pero paano ba yun?

Nats :

madali lang yan, parang gprs kunyari ng globe, gagawin muna nilang free, tapos offer ng mgaraming sites and services, hanggang feel mo na na kailangan mo sya masyado, un bang kung manonood ka ng sine tingin ka

muna sa wap.clickthecity.com, or if gusto mo magchat, free sa yahoo messenger na wap, pati check email etc etc, it becomes so much of a necessity na nde mo na alam ano feeling na wala sya, at kung ano gagawin if wala sya.. then biglang nde na libre.. syempre ung iba na nde masyado na addict ok lang, pero ung iba na hooked na, they had to pay the price and be charged..pero ok lang din naman kse may additional benefits na ung mga charged, more wap sites, faster connections etc etc..

yan nangyari kay *toot*, na charge sya hehehe

Nats : pero in any case naman its your choice if you want to come out as a victim in every event.

Lizette :
Exactly.. Kaya dapat .. Be strong talaga.. If u were the ones being left behind..then, simply pick up ur heels and go on... And learn from it..

Ria :
pero what if nung nag charge ang globe and na addict nga yung user pero bigla yung smart mas mura yung charge tapos mas mabilis pa yung access? =)

Lizette : Add extra services :)

Nats :

wala ka kseng planning =p

sa globe kse ung first phase nila free ang gprs tapos lahat ng sites pwede ma access, tapos after one month konti na lang ang sites na pwede ma access, kse daw nde kaya ng bandwidth, tapos biglang naging nde na libre. Pero ung mga magbabayad eh open ang all sites sa kanila.

kung binigay mo na lahat sa free phase eh di nothing left to be desired na nga.. kaya dapat nde lahat ibibigay mo agad =p merong something na iiwan ka para un ung gugustuhin nila nyehehe so pano kung mag offer ung smart tapos at lesser rate? eh di syempre kaw na bahala magpackage ng sarili mo para mas mabenta =p

sabihin mo cheap ung smart hahaha

Lizette : Oo nga ..and that's when u say "u don't go below ur standards" heheehhe

Nats :
sobrang daming products ngayon, napapagod ung mga tao maging loyal sa isang brand =p lalo na merong mga fake na looks like the original naman pero less cost.

Lam mo nde ka nila deserve if they cant afford you =p

Ria :
hay iba pa rin ang original noh, yung fakes ang dali masira..
ganyan na ba talaga ang mga tao ngayon?
Are they really willing to settle for the second best?

Nats :

yeps, praktikal na masyado mga tao ngayon, pamporma lang naman, pag nasira eh di palitan =p

nde pa long term mag isip mga tao.. especially now that more and more people are enjoying their being single and less committed lives.

This is how the three of us spend our eight hours in our respective offices and we actually do our real work with our spare time. =) This is how we contribute an average of 50 emails to the network's bandwidth (gosh i hope my boss is not reading this!). We discuss about our lives and dissect our past, present and future situations with metaphors trying hard not to be cheesy. We are like bunch of cheesesticks, our favorite finger food, our cheeses are well-enwrapped by a lumpia wrapper. Looks tough and hard outside but it breaks with a bite. ;p

Article from Peyups

I just read this article from peyups and i find it really beautiful. Very well-written, although i don't really know how to play chess but i felt it. Maybe because I can relate to it? =)

I'm posting it here to share to you guys, and since this blog is also like my diary where I post articles, songs, quotes that would freeze the moment I am in.

Well, this article may be a little too late. Oh heck!

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Check

Contributed by paperclip

(Edited by blue_kuko)

Thursday, October 28, 2004 @ 12:00:30 AM (read 3221 times)

Unexpectedly you came. Indifferent and clueless but you had the aura of complexity. I didn't bother to recognize the beauty that was innate in you for it was just one of those senseless conversations for me. We were both minding our own pointless existence. As the witty exchange of words drew us together, it suddenly occurred to me that this was different. You were different. I instantly noticed how amazingly smart you were. That and more.

I was the black pawn. You were the white knight. We were always on the same board but we never had our squares aligned. While I was busy protecting, shielding my own realm, you were having your own share of victorious moments. I took my steps one square at a time, constantly being aware of the threat that haunted me for years. Your valor radiated from within while your horse galloped. Your mere presence was too overwhelming for me not to notice.

You were my metaphor.

Your vagueness was intriguing me.

For some strange reason it was as if I understood every crap you've been telling me. I just refused to acknowledge the fact that they were affecting me this much. I was trying desperately hard to resist being dragged any further into this but the scent of paranoia that once lingered in my whole being seemed to have faded.

It had its toll.

You had me.

We both knew that we could not justify the mediocrity of it all. You once told me that caring for someone over SMS was hypocrisy. Still you said you meant those words that you blurted out that one midnight when I was about to hit the sack. How ironic. I had doubts about its sincerity, though. I told you that. You didn't argue. You just understood.

I was confused that's why I just had to draw the line. I didn't want to hold on to something that was not even there. You assured me that it was there, constantly hovering over my open palm. Somehow I just couldn't grasp it. Maybe because I was just trying hard to get a grip of it for I feared that it might go away. I realized that I wasn't letting it have a chance to calmly rest on my palm. I know you were just taking your time. You've been doing that from the start. You would never know how much I appreciated you for that. You were just probably as scared as I was. Not even half I bet, for now you have everything to lose.

I'm nearing the end of the chessboard. Soon I'll be transformed into a queen. I don't know how to rule. This whole sense of sovereignty and royalty is far too profound for me to comprehend.

Give me reasons to trust you.

Tell me you'll guard me with all your heart.

Tell me you'll erase the fear that I've been having of falling in love.

Assure me that you've the one I've been longing for and I'll forever be yours.

Check.

Your move・

Effect ng Anesthesia

This afternoon, I just undergone a medical procedure, surgery, treatment or watchamacallit. I wont tell what, where or how but it's obviously just a minor thing since I am here in the office able to devour my pending jobs na parang walang nangyari.

I didn't feel the pain in the actual procedure but the 9 anesthesia injections did hurt big time! I asked the doctor if the procedure is really painful if she won't inject the anesthesia and which she answered, "Oh yeah, definitely!". I saw the cotton balls were drenched with blood so I guess she wasn't lying. Thank God na imbento ang anesthesia!

One thing I've learned from this experience is pain makes you stronger. If not for the painful anesthesia injections I had to bear, I would have had to experience an excruciating procedure. It makes you stronger because it makes a part of your body numb.

Ang tanong ko lang, kelan kaya mawawala ang epekto ng anesthesia sa akin?

Yesterday I came across this saying from someone's blog: "Pain transforms you to be a better person " bakit parang ang nangyari ata sa akin is,"Pain transforms you to be a bitter person". I don't even know how to describe what I have transformed into, maybe bitter is an understatement, numb is temporary and stoic is the closest word to define it. But I prefer bitter kasi it's like may remedyo pa, konting sugar, honey or creamer okay na. I wish!

I used to be an incurable romantic, friends come to me for creative and romantic ideas for their boyfriends, girlfriends or mga nililigawan. For I can always come up with sweet ideas that can melt the heart (sabi nila ha!). But I started to realize that I have changed when my roommate came to me asking for ideas on what to give her boyfriend for his birthday. Bigla ba naman wala akong maisip! Para akong na-mental block and all I could say to her was,"Ewan ko, kahit ano. bigyan mo na lang ng face towel atsaka sabon!" she thought I was joking but actually I mean it. She shared that she wanted to give him flowers and so I accompanied her to the flower shop. When the florist asked what colors we wanted for the bouquet, my roommate just stared at me blankly and asked if I have any idea. So I just said "Yung red, white, blue and yellow na lang!", she thought it had some meaning or something, "bakit anong meaning nun?" but I just answered, "wala, parang Philippine flag lang, wala akong maisip e.". My gas! ano bang nangyayari sa akin?! I know my roommate was a bit disappointed with my attitude that day but I can't help it, I have stopped believing in magic, spark, sugar and spice and everything nice. I just feel it's useless to put so much thought on doing something sweet or romantic for men because in the end they will just forget it or even you. See, bitter di ba?

My goodfriend Nats even said, "si Ria ang taas ng walls nyan, alang makakalampas sa barricade, nde pa sya completely over kaya guarded pa rin, tinatago lang nya sa world by giving advises to other people and forgetting about it by being busy with other excuses like work etc etc.." when I read her message, it felt like I just bumped into the high wall that I was unconsciously building to protect myself. Masyado na ba akong indifferent?

There are guys texting me these days, I am kind to them by replying to their messages but it's like something is keeping me from putting myself back in the open again. When they start asking me, "are you home na?" or sending me messages like,"Text kita mamya ha may aasikasuhin lang akong pasyente.." I get this sudden urge to reply with "So? anong pakialam mo?" or "Ano naman pakialam ko kung anong ginagawa mo ngayon?" but of course I opted not to kasi ndi naman ako ganun kasama, ndi na lang ako nagrereply. Especially when they start to become mushy and sends me messages like, "Among the roses and tulips you're the beauty... blah, blah",I just smirk and stop the conversation right there before the roses become torns and the perennial tulips wilt. Ako pa binobola nila e bago lang ako nabola, nagsasayang lang sila ng load.

I feel that a part of me has died. Well I hope not, I love that romantic side of me, yung corny, yung madaling kiligin sa mga sweet nothings. Sana it's just taking a grand vacation in Europe (aba sosyal!). And when it comes back, it will bring more sweetness and romance like it has never been hurt before.

It's been five hours now since the procedure and I can move the treated part already but I'm starting to feel the pain, siguro nawawala na yung effect ng anesthesia.

Sana nga.

######################################

I just decided to be a bit casual in my blog. I realize it's

easier to express myself like this than being too serious.

I'm inspired by my favorite peyups contributor in

This Side Up. =)

Ghost from the Past

I went to Ayala last Saturday with Mau, Monette, Arlene and Claire for its Midnight Sale. While we were walking around, I met a man who looked very familiar. We were staring each other for quite awhile because I was trying to remember who he was. When he winked at me I suddenly remembered him and in a reflex I uttered the word "FUCK!" right on his face and then I smiled before he got lost in the sea of strangers in the mall.

Weird huh?!

That guy is my ex-boyfriend. He is my first boyfriend actually, they said first love never dies but for me,he died four years ago and what I saw that night was just his ghost. I guess he haunted me to remind me that I have a serious case of amnesia or Alzheimer's disease.

How can I ever forget the jerk, I mean the man who was the first to break my heart and then stepped on the shards again into smaller pieces?

I almost thought that life was so unfair, I loved him with all my heart and he just toyed with it. He was dancing in high spirits with his girl while I was miserable day and night. I'd used to ask the question,

"Why are they so happy while I am suffering, when I didn't do anything wrong?" but I found out that you can never question fate.

Indeed, he got his karma but at that time, I no longer cared. I just felt pity for what he had gotten himself into.

The healing wasn't easy, it took a lot of time and tears before I could give him my sweetest revenge. He thought he'd mess up my life by leaving me but I was able to pick up the fragments, moved on and focused on building myself a good life that I deserve. Which he could never believe when we met for the last time months after he dumped me. He even told me, "Akala ko ndi ka makagraduate nung nagbreak tayo." (huh! what a thick-faced bastard!)

Remember, no one is worth destroying your life for.

No matter how deep, no matter how painful, get up and move on for time will definitely heal all wounds.

There may be scars left but let it remind you the battle you have won.

Backtracked

I'm bored to death here in the office, I am waiting for Arlene and Claire to finish their meeting so we can have dinner at Ayala. I just ran out of things to do that's why I am posting another blog for tonight.

I was walking around the office awhile ago and I learned that I can reach the clinic faster if I follow the yellow carpet that lines the hallway. The long steps can be tiring and I may look stupid but I was able to save travel time.

While walking around, I found him sleeping on his desk he looks so beautiful. I remembered what I usually do before, I'd wake him up with a kiss and say "labskie, labskie gising na, kain na tayo..". If felt so weird that now I am only confined on the other side watching my sleeping beauty. I don't think I will ever find someone who can take care and be committed to me like he did.

I just learned that somethings are just not meant to be. And only Love can withstand time and conquer all. =)

Closed Doors and Open Windows

My past blogs have been about pain, lost love and all the blah, blah that comes with it. I just noticed that I have been giving more than enough credit to that insensitive-man-with-a-spotless-mind who is surely having the time of his life right now.

Now I am going to write about the good things that have been going on around me. I don't want to look back to my blogs and remember how pathetic I had been. Maybe 3 to 4 blogs are enough to remind myself that I still know how to pick myself up when I fall down. That i don't sulk in the pit, blame the whole world and let the mud overflow me.

So what's up with me?

I just finished my 8-day Short Course on Sign Language Literacy with the Hearing and Deaf Society (HANDS). I used to learn sign language in our church when I was in college but since I lack practice, I have forgotten most of them already. Besides, what we were thought in church was the ASL (American Sign Language) and with HANDS they taught us FSL (Filipino Sign Language). My friends have been asking me why I decided to take the course when I don't have any need for it since none in my family is a deaf and mute. Well, the story is ever since I joined sign language class back in college and got to be surrounded with deaf and mute, I have developed a soft spot for them. I am a lover of music and I talk a lot, sound for me is one of God's greatest miracle and I can't imagine my life to be soundless. So I thought that even one additional person who can communicate with them will make a lot of difference in their world. Now I have newfound deaf friends, Abegail, Frederick and Paul.

Then I spent my last weekend in Manila, the company that interviewed me a month before sent me back there to have me interviewed by their project managers last Monday. The interview went great, I realized that I am beginning to be good in answering the usual boring company questions after all the interviews I have gone through these past months with the other companies. The software application they are creating for New York, Japan and Korea is different from the softwares we are making here in NEC but I am taking it as a challenge and I am pretty excited about it. The offer was too good to be true because they give the salary in crisp dollars!(Now I can open a dollar account) It was so funny because just few days ago I was asking my friends if it's possible that I remain working here in the Philippines and earn dollars at the same time. =) The salary isn't that big compared to how much I will earn in US but it's literaly a crazy dream come true for me. =) The best part is I can still have my grand vacation on December because I don't have to start working there until January.

I learned that if things are meant for you and with prayers, opportunities will just fall on your lap and things will go well as you planned.

I just hope that God willing, this will really push through. I'm just so excited to start my new life in Manila.

That weekend I was also able to go to Pampanga with my mom to visit my old relatives there. Actually, my mom went there to have a break from my dad for they had a big, big fight last All Saint's Day vacation. I thought it's just one of their petty fights which I have already been used to for years. I discovered that I have very well mastered the art of being numb and unaffected amidst the shouting and the bickerings. After all those years, I have developed this large threshold for pain. Nothing hurts more than seeing your mom cry infront of you, she used to do that to my grandma but now that all she had was me, when I saw her crying I decided to stop being the child who hides in one corner and be the strong daughter for my mom.

I'm just so glad that last monday, my dad and mom already kissed and made up. My dad apologized to my mom, which he rarely or never do and they were able to talk and explain their sides. =) Nothing can be better than this!

About my lovelife...

I haven't really forgotten all about it while I am trying to get busy rebuilding my broken wall and swirling through the more significant events in my life. Actually I met someone during my short trip in Manila, he is my roommate's boyfriend's bestfriend (whew!). They have been setting us up before and we've finally met last Monday after my interview. It was just a short meeting in Glorietta and he was gentleman enough to drive me and Nats to Greenhills after. We had fun talking in his car while we bear the traffic in Edsa and I found out that he is a dentist with a clinic in Ortigas (what's with me and medicine anyway?) and also he plays the piano pretty well since he is a band member in his school (hmmm..). My friends were asking if there was a spark or something, but actually I wasn't looking for any that day. I am just taking it lightly this time and I treat him as one of my new friends, anyway, love is like any opportunities, it will just find you if it is meant for you.

As this song goes by Shawn Colvin from the soundtrack of one of my favorite movies, Serendipity:

"When you know that you know who you love, you can't deny it.

Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.

When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go

Cos you know and you know that you know.

And it's time you come in from the cold.

Haaa...

And you know that you know"

Your Part in My Story is Over

We danced,
We sang,
we laughed,
We dreamed

Life tinged with perfection

Suddenly, the music stopped,
one last note sang,
only your echo filled the stage,
no more lights that resembled our stars

the curtain closed down
by the one holding the velvet rope

I bowed down alone
as the unshakable woman
who doesn't need goodbyes
who is undaunted by beautiful memories

I will then cry back to my reality
and swear to never play this part again

But when the curtain opens for another show

I will never let you stop me from dancing,
I will never let you stop me from singing,
I will never let you stop me from laughing,
I will never let you stop me from dreaming

Your part in my story is over


ria 11/04/2004 3:00 pm