Gold is a girl's bestfriend... for now

It was Otik's second time to come here to the office to sell jewelries. I never had any plan of buying another one, but alas! the luster of gold was simply irresistable. I have bought a tri-color,italian 14k, 3.6 grams, heart bracelet to match the earrings I bought from her last visit. It may be a little expensive but at least I bought something with value. A good way to invest my newly acquired positional allowance.. hehehe =D Since my brother is already working and paying for his law school is off my shoulders already (well not yet really for i'm still paying for my coop loan),I can now enjoy the fruits of my labor in a glittering fashion. =D

While selecting Otik's goods, I could see the happiness and excitement in my girl-friends' eyes.While fitting the jewelries I'd often hear them say "Ay, maganda siya, pero ndi ko pa na fefeel sa heart ko na gusto ko cya".. funny it may sound but well it's a known fact that women use their emotions not only when choosing the man of their dreams but also even the simplest things like a jewelry.(That's why it takes us a century to dress up, kasi ndi pa namin feel! Ok?) And when they finally find the one they like you'd usually hear, "Hay wow, I am really so happy!".

So who says diamonds are a girl's bestfriend?

Well not yet for now, coz we still can't afford it. Actually I originally fancied the white gold, diamond studed Eternity ring Otik brought last week, but the whooping P11,000 ring just hurts the pocket. Maybe when I become the richest one among the barkada after 10 years (according to 'Spin The Bottle'), Maybe then I will finally see my ring finger with my dream Eternity ring with matching Tiffany and Co. wedding band.. hehehehe..But for the moment, I will just have to settle with the gold earrings and bracelet which nonetheless made me happy.

As they say, "Choose the ones you love the most.." but for now it would be "Choose the ones you can afford more..".

Insensitive

    I have been reading my girl friends' blogs, and I couldn't agree more with Claire, men topic always gets a space in our blogs. From bitter feelings to kilig moments, men have their way on injecting dosage of emotional roller coaster into a woman's life. And I bet they don't even have a teeny-weenie hint about it.

    From a saying that goes, "Behind a successful man is a beautiful woman.." comes another, "Behind a woman's blog is an insensitive man."

    Gone are the days of colorful diaries where we keep dried roses in between the scented pages of love and frustrations(and more frustrations). Gone are the days when we cry in one corner and hoping that the love of our lives would notice us and hopefully(fingers crossed) ask us what was wrong so we could answer our famous "Nothing!" and hopefully again(fingers crossed again) they would start thinking why (which most of the time they won't).

    For the 21st century women now have blogs for our 21st century insensitive men who are now more busy with work(really?) or ogling over Viva Hot Babes' boobies, NBA Games, Boy's night out, Magic and the most famous computer games.

    Is deficiency in human sensibility actually natural in men? Are women really hard to comprehend? or is it men are just too lazy to perceive us?

    It just amazes me how well men deceive us during courtship. They'd give you flowers and chocolates in daily or weekly basis. They'd text and call you every minute just to say "hi" or "you're always on my mind". They'd figuratively swim across the atlantic just to see you. And the most mystifying of all, they would literally miss the NBA finals or a computer game just to spend time with you. And when you've finally felt like a real Juliet and have fallen into the trap, your ever so sensitive Romeo will transform into Pinochio (more dangerous because his nose won't grow everytime he lies), or Peter Pan (who refuses to grow old) or Frodo (whom you'd never hear from again because he suddenly got an important mission to save middle earth) or even The Frog Prince, instead this time the handsome Prince will turn into a frog.

    This is the time when we will start to complain and waste enormous time wondering like the Black Eyed Peas' famous question: "Where is the Love?". And all we get is a blank faced "andyan ka nanaman, nag ddrama ka naman." or "hay mga babae talaga" or "bakit? meron ba sa iyo ngayon?". Guys, we only have monthly period every month (that's why it's called monthly ok) and if you find your girl grumpy and not talking to you almost everyday or everyweek, then something's definitely wrong. So toss your 'manly' insensitivity aside and try practicing your interpersonal skill enshrouded beneath your childish ways.

    Women may be gifted with patience but we can only bear too much. So before we reach our boiling point and before you catch yourself drop-jawed asking "Why?" and "What happened?" start asking her now, talk to her and actually listen. Better yet, read her blogs and read between the lines before it's too late. Maybe along the way, you'll also realize that women are actually not that hard to figure out.

Woman on Top

A sexual position that is a surefire hit to drive any man crazy in bed (just one of the few tricks that you can do). It also gives a certain satisfaction to women because it gives them control and it's an easier way to strike the spot. Try mastering this craft with a little bit of this and that, and you'll have your man on his knees begging for more.

This is not another run-of-the-mill version of a Carrie Bradshaw's Sex and The City article. Nor am I going to talk about my sexcapades. I just want to illustrate to you the irony of a controversial issue on who should be incharge in a relationship.

Men want their women on top and in control while they just lay there waiting for glory but try taking that control outside the bedroom, and you will never hear the end of it. During heated arguments, when all patience have been exhausted, I'd always hear the phrases: "Please just stop talking and just do what I say, I am the man", and "You're the woman, you're supposed to submit to me.", like it is the solution to every problem. (Like it will make my mouth shut).

Is submission really the be-all and end-all of a woman's existence?

But it's been a hundred years since the Maria Clara days when surrendering to men was part of every woman's syllabus. Women don't wear baro't saya under the heat of the sun anymore, we now wear tube tops, tank tops, shortie shorts and micro-minis. Women nowadays don't have to drop a hankie to catch men's attention, we get a boob job instead!

I guess submission is like respect, men have to earn it. I am no ordinary woman. I am educated, I earn my own money, I can basically provide for my needs, and most of all I have my own mind. So for women like me, it takes something more for us to depend on men. He has to be strong, physically and mentally. He should be able to stand and fight for me if I being put down. He should be able to carry an intelligent conversation with me. He has to be more passionate and driven than I am. He should be able to provide for me more than what I can provide for myself. He should be able to turn me around be more than me.

If ever i'll be lucky enough to find 'My Man', maybe in my next relationship I'll be able to make a compromise. I'll let him call the shots during the day and I'll learn to be his woman on top at night. ;p

'The One'

In the middle of work, Maila suddenly sent me a net message of Gary V's "How Did You Know" lyrics. I thought she was going crazy or it's just an effect of her insomia. But actually, she was just feeling melancholic.. (oh what boredom do to people!). She shared to me her feeling of emptiness, loneliness and that she wants to find that elusive 'The One'. It's been two years when her longtime boyfriend died so I understand her need to feel that love again. I saw how her world revolved around Pio, the small and big sacrifices she'd made, like when she wouldn't come to our gimmiks because she had to go home early to cook for him and I saw how her heart died with him. The good news is she is now healed and her heart is now ready to take another lease of life. But the problem is it seems so hard to find that someone who will make her feel really alive again. or in a scientific term: "The One".
 
Maila is not alone. I know there are many who are Waiting, Hoping and Wishing. That someday, somewhere they will finally meet that someone.
 
But the biggest question of all is:  When is someday? Where is somewhere?
 
The answer is one of life's greatest mystery. I bet Albert Einstein and Aristotle died without knowing the answer.
 
But I have formulated a hypothesis for that (hey i'm not trying to outdo the two geniuses here ok). Why not use your precious time reaching for your dreams? instead of sitting there, sulking, or desperately collecting and running after someone who would be a potential "The One".
 
My dears, the world revolves, life goes on even without you. So don't get caught standing still. Walk to the road of your dreams, and who knows, the man of your dreams might be along the way.
 
Isn't it fabulous that when 'someday' comes, you're already a fulfilled person and ready to tackle another challenge of sharing your life with someone. Sharing yourself with someone is not an easy task. It becomes much more difficult when you still have an 'unfinished business' hanging with you. Because being with someone means creating a whole new dream together.
 
I think I am basing these thoughts with my own experience. My mom married early. She thought she already found 'the One' at age 18. It's hard growing up with a mom who is busy establishing her career and reaching for her American dream. Yep, she worked hard and was able to work and tour around US. But she had to pay the price of being away from her family for a long time. For mom and dad have different dreams, my dad never liked the idea of going there. So half of my life, I never had a mother around me and while growing up, I've harbored hate for her. All for her dream. (I think it's easier to accept if my parents are really separated). Until now I'm still wondering if what she did was worth it. I never knew, but what I learned is, I will never want that to happen to me or to my future family.
 
So instead of waiting to death, treat this time as a blessing and a chance to make yourself to what you really want to become. Look at the other side of the coin, not everybody is given this kind of opportunity.

To make life easier to bear, embrace the fact that finding 'The One' is and will forever remain a mystery, you may end up not finding it but at least you did something good for someone who is much more worthy of your time and love than anyone else... and that someone is YOU.
 
 
 

Hurrah on being single

I had a busy weekend. Last friday my girl friends and I went to Neo-Neo for dinner, watched Liberated 2 (very lousy movie) and 'tambay' at C24. But before our gimmick, we had a heart to heart talk.. a.k.a "open forum", i know it's too childish at our age but hey, we did it at the conference room so there's still a touch of maturity there huh. =D It was all because, one of us got mad or had a tampo against the rest of us, because.. she wasn't informed about the badminton game last thursday..yes we are all 25 years old and above...hehehe.. but anyway, it came out that it wasn't just about the badminton game, there were other issues (so u can't judge us as childish) but everything's ironed out now. thank god!
 
But anyway, going back to my busy weekend. My weekends have been loaded since I became officially single. It's funny when I recall myself 4 years ago, I made a promise that I will never have a boyfriend again until I turn 25 (I just came out of a very, very bad and traumatic first love relationship). Now I just turned 25, and I don't have a boyfriend because I just got out of a 4-year relationship. But for me, this is the best year of my life so far. It's because this is the only time I really appreciated my 'singlehood'. 

I used to believe that having someone who loves you and the "security" that someday you'll be married are the only important things in a woman's life. But now I realized that loving yourself is more important thing to learn. I am not being narcissist here, but what's the use of that "security" when you're forever pretending to be happy? When your self-esteem and confidence are being dragged down the bottomless pit? When you've stop dreaming?
 
But being alone has its downside too, for one i miss the holding hands , the hugs and the kisses. When I get sick, no one would drive me to the doctor anymore, no one would bring me food, no one would cook for me (i miss my favorite Sinigang). If I get scared in the middle of the night, i've no one to call to and come over my house even if it's already 2 in the morning (and so that's how i learn to sleep alone).
 
However, being single has its rewards that could more than make up for it. I can go anywhere, anytime with anyone. My social life has never been so alive. I've got more friends now, girls and guys. I have gone to more new places. I can shop til I drop without anyone bugging me. I can wear my sexy clothes without making someone's blood pressure rise up. And most of all, I can dream now.
 
I am an independent, single woman with the world on my hands. I have my family, friends and career. So there's no reason to rush. I know myself more now and I know what I want. I have a clearer idea of the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I value myself more now that's why I don't wish to waste my time on anyone trying to play around me. They are not worth it and I can say I deserve better than that. If ever I don't find that person, I guess it's alright with me. I have learned it's better to be alone than be with someone you're not happy with (it guess that's how death feels like).
 
Being single gives you time to learn from your past mistakes and make yourself a better person. 
 
The best things in life are free! and being single is one of them. =)
 
 

C

ftp rec-a
user shimanedb
enter password
mput DataProcessor.*
bye
***
make all
***
trace code
debug
compile again

Repeat this process until you strain your eyes staring at the computer.
That is how I spend my hours at work, and i am even putting up more hours
for it on a saturday.
I am assigned to do the DataProcessor, the heart of the Nuclear Reactor data Recording system.. but i don't have the heart to do this. I thought I am just going to be involved in this module for the design phase only but as it turned out I am also handling it until the coding.
I dread the day I volunteered to be assigned to this module. I was supposed to be in Monitoring system, I am supposed to be using Visual C++ now, I am supposed to be practicing my object oriented programming skill, I am supposed to be working with those cute trainees.. oooppss.. hehehe ;p
Kidding aside, i really can't find the interest to do this. I don't know what's wrong, is it me? is it the leader? is the language? I asked to be assigned here because I wanted to avoid having to work with Perfect Guy a.k.a The Shit. I did get what I wanted. We're two modules apart now. I asked the manager during our one on one talk not to make us work together because "I can't take him." and "I don't have any respect left for him anymore.". So now I have to pay for it by putting up with using C and Linux. Two things I am trying to avoid down the IT road for 4 years.
Now, where can I buy that zest for this? so I can start working now.

Break Me

you think i'm shallow,
that im just one of them
but look deeper than what your eyes can see,
uncover me

listen to the weeping
swallowed by my endless laughs

feel the pain
behind my smiles

you think i'm too strong,
that i am unfeeling
but listen to me, hear my story
know me

discover the fragments
that lie beneath the pillars

it doesn't cost a lot to break me

just give me your hand,
walk with me along the shore

leave the diamonds behind,
let's watch the stars sparkle longer than forever

just spare me some time,
dream with me as the sun falls down the horizon

then hug me tight,
like i'll be gone tomorrow

when the sunset gets lost in the night,
you will see,

that you make me weak...
that you make me happy...

just find me,
free me,
love me.

06/2004
######################################
first poem i wrote after 5 years..
i thought i'll never write one again.
this may be a prelude to a new song...

Life in disarray

Had a meeting with Sir Edward this afternoon about our tasks.
I made a list of my tasks and schedule... and to my horror, i realized how mumbo jumbo, hugger-mugger my tasks have become. Not to mention the RRC's filing up on my desk waiting to be arranged. (which reminds me to order new fillers from ma'am Ann)..Damn! so many lags, so little time..tsk, tsk, tsk... i can just imagine my merit rating for this year... tsk, tsk, tsk (have to get out of here). So if my work is in total disarray, what about my life? have to check on that, but maybe i'll worry about that later, after i have compiled my Unit Test codes.
On my desks, there are two desk calendars, one with Vic Zhuo's face grinning at me every morning and the other one Albert gave me last christmas. Both are empty. I also have a pretty organizer but it only contained things to buy, bank account numbers, insurance policy number, and birthdays.. but nothing about work schedule. So now I see the problem, 'i am disorganized'.
I'm a type of person who stride in life lightly, too light maybe that I sometimes become oblivious of time (reason why i am always late) and maybe even space. I don't care what the date today is, I even forget my birthday, I remember my ex-boyfriend called me, "The best girlfriend in the world" because unlike other girls, I don't pressure him about our monthsaries or anniversaries. But to be honest, that's because I don't keep track. Funny, one morning Jaja told me, "Hala Ri, di ba 2nd year anniversary nyo ngayon?". Isn't that pathetic, that someone has to remind me of a special date? before i'd go rushing to the nearest bookstore and find the most romantic card available?
That is why I never got interested on the latest models of PDA or Clie, because I know I'll never use it. I'd rather just have an mp3 player so I could listen to music while time pass by me. I just wanted to simplify my life. My cellphone alarm clock is enough to remind me to take vitamins, go to the gym, doctor's appointments, and even about my friends' birthday. I only dream, I never plan. My mind can change anytime, anywhere. i may want to eat sushi now but later i'll eat pasta instead. i may bring my workout outfit in the morning but end up shopping and eating (probably if i'm with Georgia ;p) in the afternoon. i may love you now and forget about it one day. So you have to make a beep and remind me why i wait for you or you'll be lost with time.

But still i think i need to change. I think I need to learn how to use my organizer.

my first post

I wasn't productive today, i tried to finish my DataProcessor UT but i had a hard time with my postgres sql... isa pa, wala ako sa mood. bad mood.
After office, Maila and I went to Ayala to pay bills and eat dinner. I was supposed to do my grocery but the line was soo long and again, i wasn't in the mood for patience.
So I decided to go home, but i remember I promised Joel Lim to meet him in the chatroom. I may not be in the mood, but i never break promises. =D I thought i'd just drop by for 30 minutes and tell him about my m.cramps that has been bothering me since this morning. But as always when Joel and I start talking, we cannot stop. Kasi he's like Pringles, once he pops, he can't stop. ;D I completely forgot about my cramps, maybe laughter is really the best medicine coz no matter how serious the topic may be, there's always something we could laugh about. Para akong sira ulo sa internet cafe, tawa ako ng tawa.

At first it was me who wanted to ask for his advice, but it turned out he has bigger and more real issues.. hehehe

Thanks joel for bursting my bubbles! You're really a friend! Sorry for the 6 name-calling ;p

I was happy when you reminded me about the things I have that I could be proud of, my good heart, lot of friends and PR. Among the three the first one meant a lot more(yun lang ata ang serious hehehe). You've finally seen more in me than being shallow(as you once said).. hehehe... I hope other people would also see that. Especially those who mean a lot to me.